The End of 2015

Between the work crap and me not feeling like myself for half the year,  it wasn't my favorite year.

With much of that "fixed", I am looking forward to 2016.

Instead of a list of resolutions, I set an intention for the coming year.  I pick s theme in one little word that is my theme for the next year. 

For 2016, I have selected care.

Care is going to permeate so many aspects of my life, not limited to:

Myself
My family
My career
My passions
My obligations

The amount of care is going to have to vary, but if it something that I can't care about, it will be time to let it go. 

Here's to a fantastic 2016!

A Minor Victory

This may not seem like much to some, but it was a victory to me. I went skiing.

Last year, I decided that I needed to learn to ski because the rest of the family was skiing at that point and I didn't want to spend weekends sitting in a lodge.  By nature, I am a very active person. Sure I love to curl up with a good book or a good show/movie now and then, but mostly, I want to be up doing something.

Lessons went great most of last year. I did this fantastic package where I got my rentals and three lessons.  If I didn't "graduate" from the program in those three lessons, I would get lessons until I did.  When you do graduate, you get a free intermediate lesson and discounts on food, gear, etc.

I managed to graduate in three lessons, despite my bum knee that kept me from skiing in the past, but when I took that intermediate lesson, I freaked out.  I wanted nothing more than to have them take me down the hill.  I am very cautious and coming off a back injury, all I could see was me hurting myself. They plopped me back in an easier class and that was the end of my ski season.

Fast forward to this year.  We are having a good snow season, so when YY told me he had the kids registered for lessons on December 19th, I was a little nervous.  See, I had these plans of spending a ton of time on the elliptical and with a body weight circuit to build up my muscles so I wouldn't feel so nervous.  Only, life got in the way.  I never got there.  I am carrying a few extra pounds compared to last year.  Combined with the nervousness from the end of the last season, I just didn't want to do it. 

We planned this year for me to do a long term rental of my ski equipment through Play It Again Sports because the rental lines are HORRIBLE (and expensive).  With the good snow, I was worried that they would run out of rental gear, so I went and got my gear any way.  All along the way, I was telling YY that this didn't mean I was skiing on December 19th. 

Getting the equipment (and new gloves and socks) got me more excited, but I wasn't committed yet.  Then something switched in my head.  I decided to do it.  I was still nervous and started my day with a quick run on the magic carpet, just to see how my body was feeling and what I actually remembered from last year. Well half way up, the thing broke (we had to walk up the hill!), so I was forced to head over to the green run.  I was comfortable there last year, so I figured I would do ok. 

And I did.  It took a couple of runs to get my legs back under me, but by the end of my night, I was feeling better and more confident.  I got a total of about 10 runs over about 3 hours in.  I got to ski with my husband and kids.  I got to watch their little bodies go down that hill with confidence and skill.  I LOVED it.  This is why I wanted to learn to ski. 

My goal is to get back over to that blue run by the end of the season. I want to be able to do that with my family.

After about 3 runs with the family, which pushes me to move faster because those kids are speedy, I was done for the day, so I popped over to the lodge for a celebratory drink.  I sat by myself and even chatted with the woman next to me about our respective ski days.

I couldn't have done any of this 6 months ago.

Small victories.

The Start of Another Crazy Week

I can tell that this week will be just as insane as last week, with a little of the last week of school before winter break add in just for fun.

Therefore, my goal is to a) stick to the workout routine and b) not over caffienate.

(Of course I write b with a Monster Energy Drink on my desk and a Kombucha waiting for me at lunch...)

It will be a challenge. I am EXHAUSTED this week.  I actually took a 45 minute nap yesterday, which didn't actually do anything but make me more tired, which is why I don't normally nap, for the record. I woke up totally tired and groggy even though I got a solid 8 hours last night. 

But I have to do it.

Here's to a good week.

Thankful

This showed up in my Facebook feed and it reminded me that I wanted to write this post.

It has been a very stressful week. As things wrap up for me before the holidays, I am starting to freak out about everything I am not getting done. Added to that, YY is also CRAZY busy at work and stressed out.  He usually is so good about leaving stuff at work, but this week he's been bringing pieces of it home.  This week is just a huge test of my ability to cope.  Overall, I am ok. Next time I will be sure to not over decaffeinate and keep up the full workout routine though.  ;)

But my final Savasana on Monday night was a thing of beauty.  

I was lying there in my final relaxation, trying to visualize my excess energy and joy spreading into the world, it hit me that I couldn't have gotten through the last 6 months without yoga.

I couldn't have gotten through it without the support of my husband and friends.

I couldn't have gotten through it without the universe giving me the energy and strength to make it through a tough day.

I couldn't have gotten through it without realizing that I needed help and being encouraged to get it. 

I am so thankful for all the support and love I have gotten in the last 6 months.  Even though most of those people don't actually know what was happening at the time. They were there when I needed it most and that's all that really matters.  

Toughts on Atkins

I am going to admit, I am more than a little nervous to try Atkins again.

It worked amazingly well for me in my mid twenties.  It took some time, but I was doing so good. 

Then I had kids, and, well, my body has never been the same. Hypothyroidism, back injury, anxiety/depression all became part of my life. I have struggled since.

I am nervous because I have tried Atkins a couple of times since having kids, and it just didn't seem to work.  I have been trying to understand why.  I know that I have the most energy and feel the best when I am eating tons of fresh veggies and a fair amount of protein. So why didn't it work for me?  I think some of it was mental and some of it is that we as a family have shifted how we eat. We eat a lot less meat and when we do, we eat meat that comes from environmentally sustainable sources.  That's not exactly cheap to sustain, especially when someone is eating a high protein diet. In the end, I never fully committed to it.  If I have learned anything, I need to fully commit.  I am an abstainer. I need to say "no carbs" (which doesn't really mean no carbs...) and not have a cheat day or allow my self one piece of bread a day.  My brain just doesn't work that way.

So this time, I fully commit. The first 2 weeks of "clean eating" will be the hardest, but I will do it. 

Ridiculously Happy

I realized this morning that I may be annoyingly cheerful.  Or maybe this is how I am supposed to feel?

I am not uncomfortable greeting the people in my office with a cheerful hello.  I am ready to buckle down and get some work done. I am looking forward to a little midday shopping break.  The tedious crap at the office isn't bugging me. I don't want to gorge myself on the candy I have out for other people. 

I FEEL GOOD!

And I want to shout it from the rooftops!

I am revamping this blog a little.  I have some things I need to work through. I need to do a better job of taking care of myself both physically and mentally.  For the rest of December, I am going to blog pretty sporadically and will mostly be working through the mental stuff. I am going to talk about the fact that I am on medicine for anxiety/depression. I am going to talk about the changes I am making. It might get a little annoying. :)

I have decided that in January, I am going back on Atkins. Yes, I know there are tons of people that don't agree with it, but for me, it is really the only thing that works for more than a couple of months. I need to take control of my weight loss and make some huge changes in 2016. This wishy washy I kind of want to do it but not really do it has to stop. I need to do it for my physical and mental health.

But for December, it is all about the mental stuff. 

Quick Update

I am a few days into the new mode of operations.  I have actually gotten up at 5:30 am to work out and I have actually enjoyed it.  I love that my workout and most of my PT (the stretching part) is done for the day. I think this will work long term.

I also realized that with getting up at 5:30 am three times a week, I need to switch my weigh in day. (I really don't want to weigh myself and then get on an exercise machine - too many potentially bad associations.)  I had originally picked Tuesday because it is far enough from the weekend and after a yoga session, so it helps "correct" any weekend badness.  Except, I was using it as an excuse for weekend badness.  So now I am going to weigh in on Monday mornings.