Chaos

First and foremost - I broke 250 lbs.  I will take it.

Life is just a giant ball of chaos right now.  And it has extended beyond my little family of four. My mom is having some issues with her home, my dear friends lost a pet, my brother is in a state of flux, etc.  The list seems to go on and on and keep growing.

As a result, I am SERIOUSLY anxious. In yoga last night, I barely stayed for savasana because my brain was just in 30 different places. I also realized this might be why my body is tight and unflexible.

I am trying really hard to combat it. I have been really great about not stress eating (i.e. not stuffing my face with the sleeve of fat mints thin mints I have in the freezer for emergencies), which is huge for me.  I have been allowing my self to have more caffeine than I know I should, but I am slowly cutting that back.  I am also reinforcing my routine.  I have been pretty fluid with it, but now that skiing is done for the season, I am back to a strict workout routine - elliptical on the mornings I don't do yoga with one rest day a week.  That means if I have to miss yoga because of a meeting, I am on the elliptical that morning.  I need the boost of the feel good stuff to help sort through this anxiety.

I know that some of it won't really go away until some of the chaos is settled, but in the mean time I am trying to avoid all the bad habits. 

Truckin Along

As I was walking back from the bathroom, I realized that today, when I look down, I don't see my stomach. Same thing when I sit down (and don't slump too much).  This is one of those intangible milestones that I was looking forward to.

I have no idea what I weigh.  I just know that I am feeling good about what I am eating and things are fitting better. I kind of like this.  I should weigh in eventually to know where I am, but that number on the scale means less and less these days.

source

After a month of travel and sickness and travel followed by another attack of cold/allergies  (I am dealing with this now) and the end of the ski season, I am finally about to hit the work out routine hard.  I think this will help speed things along.

But for now, I am content.

Is the Scale Evil?

And other musings.

I weighed in this week and frankly, I wasn't happy. Despite being sick and barely eating, I gained 3 lbs.  Yeah, I don't get it. Was it a fluke?  Was the scale in an odd spot?  Was I retaining fat/fluids/whatever because I wasn't eating that much?  Did I gain muscle by pushing my skiing?  Did I get implanted with an alien baby?

See once I got to the alien baby, I realized that I wasn't too phased by this apparent "gain". 

See, here's the thing.  ALL of my clothes fit better.  I am wearing a bra that I couldn't wear before the Christmas gain.  I was able to zip up a skirt that my mom bought me for Christmas (the size they sent was 2 sizes too small, but it was too much work to return it).  I tried on pants and needed to size down.  My clothes fit me like they did before Christmas.  My ski pants fit much better than they have all season. 

All of these things tell me that maybe the scale is EVIL.

Ok, not really. I do think it is a good tool to help me keep on track, but I can't judge myself and my progress by that number each week.  There are other things that indicate that I am doing the right things for my body.

Now for a completely unrelated note, I have discovered new triggers for my anxiety:

• Sickness
• Tiredness
• Too much caffeine

 Given that these tend to go hand in hand, it is a recipe for disaster, especially if I stop working out. 

(It has been a rough couple of weeks for me, but I think that I am finally feeling well enough to go back to working out regularly.  Just in time for a business trip though...)

Sickness

A nasty cold has over taken the house.  It eventually made its way to me. I am finally feeling better today, which I can tell because my head isn't mush and I have an actual appetite.  Given the mix of sickness and my period (oh body, what a dirty trick), I didn't have the energy to weigh in.  I will do it next week.

At this point, I am just happy that I didn't give into the "mental: cravings while sick (i.e. eat all the crap in the house, especially the chips, even though I have no appetite) and I am getting better!

Milestones

I want to write about my milestones.

I am not talking about the weight I want to achieve or how I want to lose 10 lbs every month or whatever.

I am talking about the more abstract things; the little things that let me know along the way that I am making progress.

Things like:

• The dimple on the left side of my face getting longer and deeper
• My collar bones popping out (I just noticed this is starting today!)
• Seeing muscle definition in my thighs
• Needing to take my pants in
• Fitting into smaller bras
• Finding my way into yoga positions that I couldn't do before

I really do love these milestones more than hitting specific weights.  Those number goals are great, but these abstract milestones are what make me feel good.

Hmmm

I managed to gain about half a pound this week.  I have no clue why.  Am I not sticking to my limit?  Was the AWESOME ski day I had on Saturday (and the resulting muscle gain) the culprit? Was it because I skipped yoga?  Is it just from PMS?

I don't know and I am trying to not dwell on it.

I feel fantastic eating this way. I am fueling my body the right way for me. That's what I need to remember.

Tracking carbs this week to make sure I am not going overboard, but trying to not dwell.

Being Brave

250.6

I put it out there.

Given that I have lost about 12 lbs in the last 2 weeks, well you can do the math.

Ugh.

Atkins seems to be going well.  The app they have shows you not only your "net carb" count, but also your calorie count.  I can tell it is working like it should because the net affect of eating low carb is me staying low on my calorie count, which is how you lose weight.

I only really tracked carbs the first week as more of a reminder, but I will keep it for when I need to really pay attention, such as a plateau.

Overall, I am feeling really good about this.  The food is yummy and I am feeling like I am fueling my body correctly.  For example, I have noticed that I don't have to have as huge of  snack before yoga to make it through the class, despite an overall reduced calorie intake.

I have found a trigger for me - alcohol.  It triggers cravings like no ones business. It is really frustrating. So much so that I would rather not drink.  I plan to mainly socially drink, which is once or twice a month, and the occasional drink at home with the hubby.

Hopefully it keeps up!

Atkins Day 5

Ok, time for a little story.

Once upon a time...

Wait, that's not what I mean.

Let's call it a recounting of my journey over the last 3 or so years.

I have been trying to lose weight for 3 years.  I keep losing and gaining the same 20 lbs.  It sucks.  At one point, I gained a lot of traction when I was running like crazy and eating very little, but then I hurt my back and it was all over.  I gained it ALL back. 

I have tried every philosophy out there - eat less and move more, heal your gut, heal your thyroid, just be really good about eating less since that's what drops the weight, etc.  In the end, I have come to one conclusion, based on 3 years of experimenting:

You have to eat less and move more, but how that looks for each person is different.

For me, apparently, that is eating high protein and low carb.  I forgot how much being on Atkins doesn't really feel like a diet.  I don't know what's different this time, but I am ok with this.  I guess we'll have to see if I am actually losing weight though.

As I refreshed myself on the program, all the way through the final phase, I find myself excited to finish. I can't wait to get to the point where I have lost what I want to lose for now and just maintain.  I love that in the second to last phase, I get to reintroduce whole grains and fruits and really learn which ones work for me.

Right now, I am excited.  I am sure there will be days ahead where all I will want is a damn cookie (especially with the barrage of birthdays coming up), but for now I am good.

It is a start

I weighed in this morning. It was bad. Really bad. So bad that I don't even want to put the number up here yet. Partially because I know it is padded with PMS and back pain meds bloat, but still bad.

All I can do is move forward and care for myself.

Yoga tonight.

Second day of Atkins.

Move forward.